Thursday, September 28, 2006


If I could live my life in a constant state of worry and peril, I would probably weigh roughly 42 pounds. I eat when I’m bored, I do not eat when I’m nervous or upset. When I’m bored I’ll sometimes come to out of what must be a black-out and realize that I’ve eaten almost an entire bag of Bakes Lay’s. I’ll leave the crumbs in the bottom, though, and put them back in the cabinet for the next person to enjoy. Because I am no pig.

But when I’m upset, I’m exactly the opposite. I swear, my throat closes and my stomach winces at the threat of even a dollop of calorie or flavor ridden morsels. Water and water alone sustains me when I’m upset.

How could I eat when I’m upset? I have no time to eat when I’m busy fixating on how horrible things are. I can’t eat a buffalo chicken wrap when I’m involved in preparing myself for the worst-case-scenario.

The weirdest thing is, I can be SO hungry – STARVING in fact – and ready to tear into a hunk of the Laughing Cow cheese I bought at the IGA…But if I get, say, a phone call in which I think I may be A) in trouble for something B) on the verge of getting dumped or C) getting results from my doctor, my mouth will instantly run dry, and my stomach will curl up into the fetal position and sort of tuck itself behind my intestines, crying, begging me not to eat. (Incidentally, my intestines are another story entirely. Being upset, for some reason, makes them just spring to life.)

I didn’t eat yesterday until dinner because I was upset over a fight I’d had with my boyfriend. And, even now, a day later, my stomach is still unfolding itself from its cramped position, begrudgingly allowing me to ingest nutrients.

Because, even though things are “back to normal” between my boyfriend and myself, my mind is still caught up in all of my worrying. Overreacting or not, I have a very visceral reaction to worry, to fear, to sadness.

I just need to relax, breathe, and wait for things to get back to normal. In my mind, and in my belly.


Anonymous said...

I am glad to hear things are back to normal.

Now, if someone could just inform your stomach.

Cheetarah1980 said...

First, I'm glad that you and Billy are back to normal.

Second, I'm the exact same way. Let me be bored and I will devour an entire pizza. Let me be nervous/worried about something and food is the bane of my existence. Not too long ago, I couldn't eat a bite because things were bad between me and the "him" that I've been moping over. No matter how hungry I got, whenever I approached food, I just couldn't eat it. We're even worse now than we were a few weeks ago, but my appetite is back. I think it's because I know exactly how bad things are. I think when you don't know and you're imagining the worst case, that's when your stomach plays tricks on you.

Now eat up! We gotta get you a gut like mine.

tiff said...

What do you do when you're me...I eat when I'm bored, when I'm happy, when I'm nervous, when I'm mad... you get the idea.

I wish my stomach would refuse the calories!

I got the James Morrison too... It's fabulous and on repeat!

Liz said...

Can my stomach think I am worried and stressed out so that I don't eat, but not really be worried and stressed out?

That would be great. Glad to hear everything is approaching normal again.

Popeye said...

Talk to him more.

I forget to eat, too.

Kat said...

I am also really happy that things are back to normal with you and your Billy. :-)

I do the exact same thing. When I'm upset or worried the thought of food actually sickens me.

When I'm bored, I usually eat then smoke a cig. Then eat again, drink something sweet, eat, smoke, eat, smoke, eat, smoke. I'm not hungry, but how can it be that I can see the bottom of the Ruffles bag??

Anonymous said...

most people i know have the same problem. they lost their apetite but you need to feel that things are okay, and your mind and body will feel that all is good.
everything is related. maybe things are okay with your boyfriend on the outside but there is something still bothering you.
go for a walk, take in some fresh air. keep your eyes closed and dont think anything for as long as you can.
it helps:)

Tiffany said...

Not to be all TMI here in the comments section but when I'm worried - I totally get the, *ahem*, "active intestines".

Glad to hear you and Billy are back on track. Communication is key. I always dread having "the" conversation but when it's over I almost always feel better.

I also realize that I am ususally the only one who felt the bad feelings of impending doom.