Tuesday, January 24, 2006

eBay Virgin No More

I bought Billy an Emporio Armani ring for his Birthday. He loved it, as you may - or may not - recall. What he did not love, however, was the fact that it was at least one whole size too big. So instead of fitting nicely and looking lovely on his artist's fingers, it merely rested on his hand, oversized and awkward, threatening to fall off at any moment. So, of course, he never wore it out of the house, and we were forced to head back to the fancy-pants mall where I bought it to get a smaller one (In case you're wondering, the solid-silver, 10mm width of the ring prevented us from taking a simple trip to the jewelry store for sizing). So, we went to the mall, we walked into Armani (Where, much to my surprise, we witnessed a man carrying a teeny tiny dog in a purse. Not a "man-bag," mind you: A purse. I was riveted.) and over to the jewelry section. You can imagine the sickly feeling that came over me when I saw that the ring was no longer displayed there.

Even though we knew what the answer was, we still asked a lithe saleswoman if they had any more. She, obviously irritated that we had interrupted her just-stand-around-and-look-thin task for the day, mumbled "Let me get someone else to help you," and slithered away to find an older, plumper woman who was apparently paid to do more than just stand there and look hungry. She took the heavy ring in her hands and informed us that they only had one left, but that she was unsure of the size. So she excused herself and disappeared into the back to find the one remaining ring. She was gone for, oh, about twenty minutes while we surveyed the eight ties and three pairs of shoes displayed in the sparsely-stocked store. She came back with a ring roughly double the size of the one we brought in, and my face fell. Billy urged me to not worry, that we'd find a ring that fit, and if we couldn't find the same one, we'd get a better one.

But a full day of searching proved that once you find something you love, it is damn near impossible to replace it, much less trump it. We left, two malls later, with only tested patience and crippling frustration to show for our efforts.

As we climbed, empty handed, into his car, he told me not to get upset that we hadn't found anything; he'd rather, he said, I find the ring myself, anyway. He said it was because he wants it to come from me, but I know that he really meant he just doesn't want to spend one more of his days off in a freakin' mall.

So I've continued to look, since his New Year's Day birthday, for another ring, but found nothing. Today, succumbing to peer pressure and pure desperation, I decided to check out eBay. Purchasing anything on eBay is something I've resisted since its inception; It has to do with the fraudulent merchandise potential, the possibility that I won't just get something fake in exchange for my money, but that I won't get anything at all. I'm not a fan of buying things online, and I'm not a fan of buying anything that I haven't touched first, but I couldn't find any rings anywhere that lived up to the standard set by the first one. And so I caved in and logged on.

And, lo and behold, I found it.

There's just one problem: The size is listed as a "Q." Wha-? Size Q? I don't get it. I looked up a ring size conversion chart on the internet that states that a UK size "Q" translates into a US size 8.25. Billy's somewhere between an 8.25 and an 8.5. (The man wears the same size ring as I do. Does that mean that I have man-hands?) Does anyone out there know if the size conversion chart I looked up is accurate? Does a Size Q equal a size 8.25? Because if I buy that shit, I can't return it.

But I do save $40.00 from the original price.

Anyway, I have a question into the seller and one day left to make my decision. By this time tomorrow, I may have popped my online-purchases cherry.


God's gift to women (with really low standards) said...

"By this time tomorrow, I may have popped my online-purchases cherry."


Anonymous said...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... now theres the writing talent you were talking about. and it was neither sad nor depressing.

i loved it, baby. you always impress me.


portuguesa nova said...

If you see some freaks one bay with a user rating of like 40982340985 and wonder, "How the hell is that number so high?", and then you click on their profile and discover that they run an online store...well, that's us...only we don't run an online store...we are basically constantly buying and selling like 90 different things on ebay. Basically, one of us will pick a piece of lint off our sweater and wonder what to do with it and think, "We could probably get $20 for this on ebay, let's give it a shot."

We've only been scammed twice, and both times it was our own fault for being really stupid and greedy. And ebay has the protection deal (which you actually don't qualify for, since I think you have to have a user rating of like...10...or something?), where if you buy anything over $200 and get scammed, you get your money back.

Really sweet ring, man. I hope you find his size.

I actually ordered my husband's wedding ring online and had it shipped to work. When it arrived it was more like a bracelet than a ring, I'd totally messed up the size. All of my co-workers gathered round to look at it when I took it out of the box, one of them yelled really loudly, and very appropriately, especially in an office setting, "Girl, he must have a BIG dick!"

So, I kept it quiet about it being the wrong size and found ways to "casually" show the ring to like all 500 people in my office building that day...and when I returned it for the proper size, I had it shipped home.

Laurie said...

A couple of things:

First of all, PN, that is HILARIOUS! I laughed out loud reading it, so I'm pretty sure my one coworker in the other room is aware now that I'm not, in fact, paying the bills like I said I was doing.

Secondly, Billy (who made me blush and smile and giggle with his comment that I always impress him....Ahh, love) was so stoked that I found the ring, he gave me HIS eBay user ID/password, and I think he has an actual history on there, so it would appear, to the seller, that I am not, in fact, a novice buyer. But let's look at the true highlight of this part of the comment: We've reached a new plateau! He gave me a password to something! Willingly!

Thirdly, bad news. The size Q is like a size 8. Too small. Which means the hunt is back on.

kate said...

that is a very nice ring laurie and i can completely picture your artist boyfriend wearing it. good luck in your search for the perfect size.

Anonymous said...

efqmhHey, It looks like a hardware store nut......you can just go to the local Home Depot and get one, and a lot cheaper too...ha...ha.....