eBay Virgin No More

I bought Billy an Emporio Armani ring for his Birthday. He loved it, as you may - or may not - recall. What he did not love, however, was the fact that it was at least one whole size too big. So instead of fitting nicely and looking lovely on his artist's fingers, it merely rested on his hand, oversized and awkward, threatening to fall off at any moment. So, of course, he never wore it out of the house, and we were forced to head back to the fancy-pants mall where I bought it to get a smaller one (In case you're wondering, the solid-silver, 10mm width of the ring prevented us from taking a simple trip to the jewelry store for sizing). So, we went to the mall, we walked into Armani (Where, much to my surprise, we witnessed a man carrying a teeny tiny dog in a purse. Not a "man-bag," mind you: A purse. I was riveted.) and over to the jewelry section. You can imagine the sickly feeling that came over me when I saw that the ring was no longer displayed there.

Even though we knew what the answer was, we still asked a lithe saleswoman if they had any more. She, obviously irritated that we had interrupted her just-stand-around-and-look-thin task for the day, mumbled "Let me get someone else to help you," and slithered away to find an older, plumper woman who was apparently paid to do more than just stand there and look hungry. She took the heavy ring in her hands and informed us that they only had one left, but that she was unsure of the size. So she excused herself and disappeared into the back to find the one remaining ring. She was gone for, oh, about twenty minutes while we surveyed the eight ties and three pairs of shoes displayed in the sparsely-stocked store. She came back with a ring roughly double the size of the one we brought in, and my face fell. Billy urged me to not worry, that we'd find a ring that fit, and if we couldn't find the same one, we'd get a better one.

But a full day of searching proved that once you find something you love, it is damn near impossible to replace it, much less trump it. We left, two malls later, with only tested patience and crippling frustration to show for our efforts.

As we climbed, empty handed, into his car, he told me not to get upset that we hadn't found anything; he'd rather, he said, I find the ring myself, anyway. He said it was because he wants it to come from me, but I know that he really meant he just doesn't want to spend one more of his days off in a freakin' mall.

So I've continued to look, since his New Year's Day birthday, for another ring, but found nothing. Today, succumbing to peer pressure and pure desperation, I decided to check out eBay. Purchasing anything on eBay is something I've resisted since its inception; It has to do with the fraudulent merchandise potential, the possibility that I won't just get something fake in exchange for my money, but that I won't get anything at all. I'm not a fan of buying things online, and I'm not a fan of buying anything that I haven't touched first, but I couldn't find any rings anywhere that lived up to the standard set by the first one. And so I caved in and logged on.

And, lo and behold, I found it.

There's just one problem: The size is listed as a "Q." Wha-? Size Q? I don't get it. I looked up a ring size conversion chart on the internet that states that a UK size "Q" translates into a US size 8.25. Billy's somewhere between an 8.25 and an 8.5. (The man wears the same size ring as I do. Does that mean that I have man-hands?) Does anyone out there know if the size conversion chart I looked up is accurate? Does a Size Q equal a size 8.25? Because if I buy that shit, I can't return it.

But I do save $40.00 from the original price.

Anyway, I have a question into the seller and one day left to make my decision. By this time tomorrow, I may have popped my online-purchases cherry.