Thursday, June 30, 2005

Tame

Even though I know he's no good for me, and even though I know I could never date him, I found myself attracted to him tonight.

He sat at the end of the bar with my friends and me, full of witty remarks and quick comebacks. His long and lanky frame occupied a space that was always just out of my reach. And I liked it; That he was there, and that I couldn't reach him.

I laughed at his jokes, and he laughed at mine. We caught each other's eyes throughout the evening, something unspoken passing between us. He said he had to leave by 10:30, but he stayed around until midnight. I like to think it was because of me.

I know he's not interested in love and marriage, I know he's been around. And, knowing what I know about him, up until now anytime anyone mentioned him to me, I shooed away the notion of him. "He's a slut," I always say. "I would never date him. I know where he's been." Sure he's attractive. But he's also a player...And that's not my type.

But tonight, it was different. We played the same game, and we were well-matched competitors. We took jabs at one another, our wordplay exciting and intoxicating. He gave me just enough to get me interested, but not enough to let me know he'd come after me. And I wanted him to come after me.

For all my big talk of days gone by, I found myself just as giddy as the girls before me, falling prey to his big smile and his avant-garde sense of style. I wanted him to want me. And his subtle acknowledgement of me was just enough to make me crave him.

What I don't understand is this: I spend countless hours pouring my weeping heart into this blog, whining about how much I want a man who will treat me right. Who will send me flowers at work, who will make me feel like the only woman on earth who matters, who is a gentleman, who will give me the world if I only ask for it. Yet time and time again, I find myself drawn to the men who are the antithesis of what I "want." I'm sucked in by the bravado, the cockiness, the take-me-or-leave-me attitude. I want the man who doesn't want me.

And what it really is, I think, is my innate desire to tame the wild horse. To be able to say "He was a rowdy one...Until he met me." And I know how catastrophic this can be; I've attempted it already, and failed. But still, I feel myself wanting to try again.

14 comments:

Nick said...

The rowdy ones hurt the most if it goes wrong. Just pace yourself.

kate said...

I think what it really is is that we want someone who falls for us so completely that it changes him for the better. Doesn't that in effect prove his love?

freewriter said...

watch out for the lies! some guys like that will say what they need to get you.

[not me, nooo, i wouldn't do that! heh]

Miss_Vicki said...

I love the "bad boy" types, but I want him to be like the good boy. Kind of a merge thingy :)

Miss_Vicki said...

Kind of like Brad Pitt - looks like a bad boy, but really is a sweetheart (or so I'd like to think :op)

Laurie said...

Kate, you're exactly right.

You, too Miss Vicki...I want the best of both worlds, too.

And boys (Nick and Freewriter), don't worry...I didn't say I was falling for it, I just said it intruiged me. :)

Jason said...

Every romance novel has the heroine taming the bad boy. Women want to be the domesticators. Men want to be the knights in shining armour rescuing the damsels in distress. It pretty much never works out (at least for long), but the fantasy keeps us coming back.

Charlie Mc said...

I know I always go after the girls with more issues than the NY times.....the ones with all kinds of problems because I guess deep down I want to be the one who "saves" them and who is the caretaker. It's the wrong mindset and not healthy! If I want to do charity work, I should just join the Peace Corps, but chasing the wacky ones is addicting!!!

The Zombieslayer said...

Well, my cousin answered it best. I asked her why women like the "bad boys" and she said that nice guys are so boring. They have no initiative. They'll take no risks. This guy you're talking about, although he's a "slut," he made you laugh. I'd probably enjoy having a few beers with the guy. Several of my closest friends are "bad boys." They're definitely more fun to hang around with.

jen said...

i know this story. i've wanted to make an honest man out of too many of those type-a boys. but that's kust the problem, so often they are just BOYS. man-children, if you will.

Miranda said...

Men and women can never make each other perfect, but they can make
each other better. Be careful with
your heart and hopes, but don't
give up your desire to be treated
well and to treat someone else
the same way.

Kristi said...

Oh Sweetie you are only human.
I didn't stop going for the bad boy till just before my daughter was born. Doens't mean I'[m still not attracted to them.
So now, like you I search for the man that wants me. That will give me what I deserve. The love the friendship, family, caring.

Its okay to be attracted. Just know why and be aware of what you're doing. Don't get involved. you'll be fine!
Soemtimes playing can be fun. Being in Lust is nice.
We are all only human......

reddirtroad said...

Charlie Mc and Jason: What you guys said hit home for me. I just posted on my blog about how I seem to alwasy go for the guys who need my help. I give of myself and get run over in the end. So, I noticed that Jason is a Scorpio and Charlie Mc is a Cancer. I'm a Pisces. And I know that we are the three water signs. Interesting?.?.?.

God's gift to women (with really low standards) said...

What about a really slow, easy to tame horse? Why doesn't anybody like those? I bet those horses are badasses.