1. I have a mosquito bite on my ass.
2. I am picturing myself three hours from now, sitting in a gay bar, trying to look beautiful and classy, but scrunching up my face and scratching my behind instead.
3. I have mosquito bites on my feet.
4. Because I have mosquito bites on my feet, my little footsies are swollen, and are therefore hard to cram into the strappy and sexy shoes I brought for the trip. Not to mention that the aforementioned swollen feet look anything but sexy in strappy shoes.
5. I have a sun rash on my arms.
6. I have a sun rash on my forehead.
7. I am waaaaay to sensitive to the sun.
8. It's my own stupid fault that I have a sun rash at all...I didn't buy sunblock until I was A) here for two days and B) already burnt to an unappetizing crisp.
9. The sun rash blossoming on my limbs and face looks like acne.
10. When I got here, my skin was flawless.
11. Because it looks like I have horrid acne on my arms, I will not wear shirts without sleeves.
12. This makes it very difficult to stay cool when it's eighty degrees and humid outside.
13. I feel like a pre-pubescent teenager with a pimply forehead. If only my voice would crack like a 12 year old boy's, my regression to adolescence would be complete.
14. Nancy broke a glass in the kitchen two days ago, and today I got a shard stuck in my itchy, bitten foot. Lovely.
15. In the few minutes it has taken me to type 1 through 14, I got two new mosquito bites, and I can't find the fucking bug that's biting me.
16. I went to a very uppity mall with Austin today to look for shoes for myself, and when we left, HE was the one who ended up purchasing shoes. I told him as we left that it pisses me off that HE was the one who ended up with shoes. He told me he didn't even need the shoes he bought. And I said "But I really wanted to buy a pair of shoes." He went on to say "Well, you know, you should've just bought my shoes for me. That way, I wouldn't have spent any money, and you would've bought a pair of shoes. Everybody would be happy." We laughed, but I was still bitter that I didn't walk away with a new pair of stilettos.
17. My nailpolish reacts to both sunscreen and cigarette smoke, and so my nails were yellow. Gross. So I bought some nail polish remover and some polish to redo my manicure...And it took me almost an hour to get the old gross polish off.
18. I have a blister on my toe.
19. I am tired, but find it impossible to sleep during the day. So Austin's taking a nap right now, and he'll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for our outing tonight, but I'll be dragging my feet and ready to fall asleep by 12. I know it.
20. My feet really fucking itch.
21. I try not to talk on my phone because I'm roaming here in Florida, and I'm sure that means I'll pay $20.00 a minute if I call to talk to anyone.
22. I have been eating like a damn pig here. I will go home with a pot belly as my souvenir.
23. My forehead really fucking itches.
24. Really, my whole body itches.
25. I feel sticky. I'm not used to humidity.
26. I'm having a great time, enjoying the company of one of the coolest, most awesome, lovely men in the world (Austin!), and I can still find 25 things to bitch about.