Monday, January 15, 2007

Letter of Resignation

I don't really know how to say this, so I'm just going to come right out with it: I quit.

I started this blog two years ago on the advice of a friend, who suggested that, because I love to write, I should get a blog, put what I have out there to be found. And, after much consideration and poking around at other people's blogs, I decided to go ahead and go for it. I didn't tell anyone I knew about it, I just kept it my little secret, a place where I could write every day, twice a day, or not at all. I was proud of myself for keeping it to myself, but when my first comment came, I couldn't contain my joy. I told my parents. And then some friends. And then my boss. And I started mentioning it in conversation. The more people who read it, the better, I reasoned.

I won't lie, a piece of me hoped to be one of those blogger-Cinderella stories, where someone would run across my page, see the genius between my lines, and offer me a multi-million dollar book deal. Obviously, the chances of that happening were slim, and as I let go of that possibility, I began to fall in love with the idea of blogging just for the sake of doing it. I met some incredible people, I enjoyed the feedback, I liked that it made me write regularly, something I'd failed to do sans blog.

But there was the bad side, too. Anonymous people who accused me of being self-centered and bitchy, judgemental and superficial. People who assaulted my character and my abilities and me. I've cried over comments, to my then-boyfriend, who didn't understand why some stupid comment made by some random person could get me so upset. Later on, I complained to Billy, too, that people could be so mean to me. "If you want to be a writer," he said matter-of-factly, "you're going to have to learn to take criticism. You're going to have to accept that not everyone is going to like you, or your writing." He had a point. And I thought "Okay, I'll toughen up."

But it's easier to steel yourself against the wrath of strangers who think they know you, than it is to prepare for the wrath of people you actually know.

Turns out, I'm too sensitive to steel myself for much of anything. I pour myself into the words here most times, and someone's misunderstanding of what I've written breaks my heart. I feel the need to explain it, to rectify the inadvertent wrong I've done. But sometimes explaining isn't enough when people feel that you've said something horrible about them. Even when you haven't.

So, some people in my real life, Billy included, stopped reading. I offended people I had no intention of offending. I cried over that, too. Because it's one thing when complete strangers hate what you write. It's another thing entirely when it's people who know you.

Having always been concious (or so I thought) of other people's feelings, I then started watching what I wrote more closely than ever. I went over each prospective post with a fine-toothed comb, trying to find ways - other than how I intended - that the post could be read. And I had to leave entire chapters of my life out of the blog because I knew I was only playing with fire to write about it. And, before I knew it, the blog just became fluff.

From time to time, after writing a really good post and hitting "Save as Draft" instead of "Publish," for fear that someone would be mad at me for talking about something that was completely benign in my book, I started to get bitter. Wait a second, isn't this supposed to be my blog? Shouldn't I be able to write about whatever I want to write about? It's about me. Shouldn't I have the option to talk about my life?

The answer, apparently, was no.

"That blog," I've said about a million times, "is more trouble than it's worth." I'd say that, and then briefly consider quitting. But I always came back to the fact that I love blogging. Love. It. It's the one thing I do for myself. The one thing that I truly enjoy. So I wouldn't quit, I'd just censor myself a little bit more. Try to move past worrying about what other people think and just write. And that would last about three days. Then I'd be right back to worrying again.

There are a handful of things I'm dying to write about, but can't. And those are the things that weigh heaviest on my mind, yet I can't write a single word about them. I'm not allowed. Not because I want to say anything nasty about anyone, but because there's bound to be one person out there who would find a way to be offended by it. So I struggle for something else, something less radical, to write about. And what am I left with? Posts about the fact that I have a cold.

That's not why I started this blog, and that's not why people read it. I started it and it was read because of posts in which I was completely honest about my neuroses, my insecurities, my fears, my life, my heart. And I stopped writing that way a long time ago. Not because of comments - I guess, in opening up your life on a blog, you're apt to get people who think they know you because they've read a handful of posts - but because of people I actually know who may, somehow, take offense to what I've written. Even though, nine times out of ten, I have no idea how that happens.

And now, almost EXACTLY two years after I began it, I'm realizing that I should've stayed anonymous. I should've refrained from telling anyone about it. I should've pretended I had no idea what a blog was. But it's too late, now. And I can't go back and change anything. Here I thought I was sharing a piece of me with everyone I told. I was wrong. No one took it that way. I guess the same way I've made every post relate to me, people who read it can just make it all about them. Even though it's not. It is about me. It was my blog, to write as I wish. But I lost that privelige.

So I quit.

I'm sick of making excuses for this blog. I'm sick of worrying that I've hurt someone's feelings by writing. I'm sick of not writing because I fear someone will find a way to be offended by it. I'm sick of writing, posting, and then removing things because all I do anymore is second-guess what I've written. I'm sick of staring at the same stupid post on the main page for days because I can't write anything else. I'm sick of not being allowed to write about parts of my life. I'm sick of all of it.

This blog was supposed to be about me. Not a tiny sliver of me, padded with safe anecdotes that didn't run the risk of offending anyone. It wasn't supposed to be about what other people thought. It wasn't supposed to foster worry and anger and embarrassment and fighting. It wasn't supposed to make me feel this way. I'm just sick and tired of making excuses for it, of explaining to every person in my real life who gets pissed at me over it, "It's not about YOU." Because it's not. It never has been. It's always been about ME. Selfish? Sure. But, if I'm not mistaken, this blog is mine. And I'm so tired of explaining that. I'm sick of writing while I'm worried about everyone else's feelings but my own. This was the one place I had in my life to not worry about that. Well, no longer. This blog is just as infested with my desire to make everyone happy as my day-to-day life is. Even now, writing this, I'm thinking about who will read this and think "She's talking about me." I'm not, okay? It's not about you. Whoever you are.

This decision wasn't spurred by a certain event. It's more a culmination of about a million things. But the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back came this morning, in which I found myself writing yet another email explaining myself. Before I even finished writing the fucking email, I just gave up. I can't bear to send out another letter, make another phone call, have another conversation in which I say "That's not how I meant it." I thought I was a clear writer, I thought the reader could surmise my point in what I'd written. Turns out that's not the case. (But, statistically, it seems that strangers get the point better than people who know me. Go figure.) And I just can't do it any more.

I've loved this so much. I've loved every person I met through this blog, every friendship I've fostered, every email conversation it initiated. But I just can't do this any more. It is more trouble than it's worth.

Thank you to everyone who has read what I've written. Thank you for being kind enough to write nice things in my comments section. Thank you for spending your time on my words. Thank you for sticking around.

It's been fun. And I will miss you terribly.

47 comments:

Kat said...

DONT GO!!

A while back I took down my blog, for probably the same reasons. Theres so much I want to write about and say (personal stuff), but I too have come to say "what if so and so reads this and sees what I have wrote".. it wasn't fun anymore. Yeah, I write about sports and that is fun to me because I take my sports seriously. But sometimes I just need to write about something thats personal and doing so it gets things off my chest, but I don't big brother will be watching. I missed blogging so I put the blog back up a few months ago. -- I hope you do the same. I'll miss you,.. if you ever need to talk, you have my email. TAKE CARE! smooches!

Anonymous said...

Here it is, for what it's worth: Just write, and if people get hurt too bad. Good writing always caused controversy...and you ARE very, very good at this. Small minds do not have anything else to do but find ways to cause trouble. If they don't like what they read, they need to stop reading your posts. Please don't quit!!!!
DNR

Anonymous said...

I agree with DNR!

if your ever on aol/yahoo/msnlivemsgr... my id is kathie31167.

Kat

Anonymous said...

That's why I quit, too.

I miss it sometimes. I hope you're sure, and just in case - be sure to save copies of all your posts. You may want to start blogging again someday, and you won't want to lose the two year's worth of writing you have here.

I just re-read your archives last week. I realized I miss the way you used to write. You did seem more free. And you're damn good when you have that freedom.

I hope you're able to get past all of this and continue writing, in one form or another. Your blog was one of my few daily stops on the 'net. If you ever start up a new one (anonymously or not), please please PLEASE let me know!

Call me if you ever want to talk. I'll miss you too!

~Casey (alone in tacoma)
www.myspace.com/caseykay80
caseykay80@yahoo.com

portuguesa nova said...

Start a new one! Keep it anonymous!!

Anonymous said...

DON'T QUIT!!!!

Cheetarah1980 said...

I've learned that what you write won't always be clear to everyone who reads it, no matter how much you try to clarify. I'm sorry people aren't understanding what you're trying to say. And I'm even more sorry that it's caused you to quit blogging. I'll keep checking back here all the time to see if you come out of retirement. Until then, you'll be missed.

Leandra said...

I saw your title and gasped, thinking "No, it can't be. Laurie is one of my FAVORITE bloggers!"

Oh dear. However, I completely understand you; that's how my blog came about.

You let so much out when you write. Sometimes, I immediately feel better as soon as the words are published and that in itself is worth it to me. A place to vent, a friend's ear to chew so that I can get past it. You put so much time and effort in your posts, in your stories, in your written drama that I cannot believe that you think it's not worth the trouble (and it shows how much you enjoy blogging). Maybe it's not worth it when you're not anonymous.

As per the critics...no comments allowed help or no anonymous comments.

Please, though, keep me updated if you should continue writing elsewhere. I'll miss YOU terribly!

Good luck! I'll keep checking and hoping!

Kiki said...

Please don't quit...even though I never comment, I still read ALL the time!

Liz said...

Laurie- I can't tell you how sorry I am to see you go. You are a wonderful writer, incredibly witty, and well spoken. My day won't be the same without you. However I understand your decision and you need to do what feels right for you. Will you be taking your Flickr account down too?

Tiffany said...

Oh Laurie - this brought tears to my eyes! I'm so sad for you and what must have been a terribly difficult decision.

I'm with your mom - I think you should just write and that you shouldn't have to explain yourself to anyone. But saying that is a bit like that old "do as I say and not as I do" addage and I know it's easier to keep the peace.

I'm so sorry to see you go and hope that you don't give up writing all together. Maybe an annonymous blog? Or just a plain old fashioned journal... It's what I've done. For now.

Definitely keep your archives. This is some of the most beautiful writing I've seen.

Keep in touch? You know how to find me.

Tiff

Gina Marie said...

I had originally intended to stalk your blog anonymously, after Chase gave me the link a couple months ago. I wanted to learn a little more about your family, and reading your blog has given me insight into who you guys are that I probably coudn't get from him. After reading your post about me before Thanksgiving, I was scared to DEATH of you! But then I met you. And I kept reading. And I'm not scared anymore. You wrote what you felt, and you're totally entitled to your opinion. You are so much more than your blog lets on, and you deserve to share whatever you want with the world.

Hell, if I still like you after knowing your secret desire to hold me under a sweat lamp and interrogate me, how can the people who've known you for so much longer even think to be upset with you? And if they are, who cares? I'm sure they've had less than favorable opinions of you from time to time, so why shouldn't you get your feelings off your chest?

But what do I know? I just deleted all my old blogs to start over with a new one. Sometimes you just need a change.

- Gina

ps- sorry for being a secret stalker.... :)

Michele said...

I am so sad to see you go! I look forward to reading your writing every day. I do understand how you feel though. Since this is a public forum, I have never felt like I could be completely open and honest. I think some of the new blogger settings allow you to control who reads your blog. Or maybe Tiff is right and a journal is the way to go. If you are the only one reading, you can say whatever you like!

I'll miss you!

theotherbear said...

Do what you think you really want to do, and good luck with it :)

portuguesa nova said...

I just thought of something...And don't think I'm trying to encourage you to quit, BUT (I may have said this before), a while back on NPR I heard an interview with someone who'd recently published a book after trying to write of for like 7 years.

The interviewer asked what finally got her to get serious and sit down and write.

She said, "I gave up my blog, and magically I could get some real writing done."

steph said...

I can't say anything that anyone else hasn't already said. You are a highlight in my day. I am truly sorry that you feel so violated in your own "space". I love your work. I love your skill. I will miss you. It is your decision, if you do go underground give me a link on my blog. If not, hope all goes well and good luck!

Anonymous said...

I too am sad to see you go but I have seen a change in your writing. When I go back into your archives there is something so honest and open about those posts that is missing in the more recent ones. Good luck and hopefully you blog again. Just don't tell anyone you actually know! :) You will definitely be missed.

Anonymous said...

Blog or no blog, you're still a badass. 18 comments...it's like you wrote a list about your weekend or something. I hope you keep writing somewhere.


--Dale (I can't sign in for some reason)

NJ said...

Do what you have to. I understand completely. I've even tried to remain anonamous and that didn't work. I have a member of my family that choses to seek me out and then talk about me behind my back. If you ever decide to write again somewhere, send me an email, I've loved your writing, even the "fluff". :-) I'll miss ya.

tiff said...

I take one day off work, and my favorite blogs fall apart.

You know it's a decision we all have to face sooner or later, but I'm sorry to see you go!

(if you start a secret blog, you should totally secretly send me the link)

reddirtroad said...

Oh, Laurie...

Please don't go. I'll be quite sad to see you leave.

Besides, how are we to know if you get Billy to speed up his countdown clock.

Honestly girl, I'd totally miss your blog. Email me if you want to chat.

Anonymous said...

Quitter.

Melina said...

Hey, I just thought of something. You know, you can change your blog into a private blog where you can invite readers...and only they can read the blog. Think about it.

Sheri said...

I relate. I ended blogging for the reason that family found my blog and did not understand a word I wrote. I am saddend by your dissolusion. But, I understand. I wish you well.

Michele said...

I keep checking back in the hopes you have changed your mind. I suppose it is too early for an april fools day joke. :(

Kristi said...

Oh Laurie.....

So many,many things.
You need to do what yu need to do for you.
One door closes and another opens.
You are you.
A beautiful sensitive intelligent woman. Your words are wonderful and will be greatly missed.
you are on a journey.
Live it and learn it.
All is well.
Know that you will be missed and your stories always enjoyed. Your life very real and yours.
Stay strong. Your road has some bumps in it. Believe in your heart and you will do well.

if you choose to come back, which I hope you do....I hope I will be fortunate enough to find you.

Take care sweetie........K.

Tiffany said...

I keep checking back... I'm so sad! Come back? I like Melina's idea... I've never heard of it but I think you should talk to her about it. And then e-mail me!

The Guy Formerly Known as Someone else said...

Well, I'll expect more emails from you since you won't be blogging ;)

Honestly, though, I hate to see you end it.

You should be able to write what you want. Just keep it anonymous. Or keep multiple blogs. I hear some people do that (he said innocently)

Popeye said...

I will really, really miss your blog. You started just before me and I've read yours at least once a week ever since. I want to be another one that says "Please don't go" but I also know you gotta do what you gotta do. But, damn. . . If you ever come back, please let me know.

Anonymous said...

You think people won't miss you? Look at your counter. Over 42 *THOUSAND* hits.

silverfox said...

Even though this is the first time I have commented I enjoyed reading your blog.

Please consider having a close friend or two that might help keep it going. You could tell them what you would write about if you felt like it which you do'nt.

Then when you felt like writing again you could start slowly with your friends still helping and all your readers could have fun guessing which entries were yours and which were your friends until you were 100% back in control.

Best wishes.

Anonymous said...

There is a "Next Blog" link at the top of the page for a reason, I suggest we all use it. Blogger is huge and there are bound to be at least a dozen more "Lauries" out there. You just have to find them.

Anonymous said...

Noooooo!! I had just settled in for a good read after my month away from a computer (bloglines tells me I have over 200 posts to read all up) and discover you're quitting!

I will miss you too. You are one of my faves - specifically for "settling in for a good read", because of the time and care you put into your posts.

Please email me when you start again! In the meantime, take care and go well.

The Editter xxx

Nick said...

I'll be sorry to see you go... but you know where to find me.

Phil said...

For the past ten minutes I find myself sitting in front of my monitor thinking of a way I could soothe the pain and frustration you've endured for God knows how long.

When I began my blog, it was a place, a channel where I could express myself openly and without worry. It was somewhere could I could simply vent and/or articulate my innermost emotions. THEN, I foolishly allowed one of my friends access to my blog. That was when my blog was at its end. What it also symbolized was its lose of identity. What became known as my space (not not the website), became everyone's space. For criticism.

I found myself having to filter and edit certain posts due to the fear that I may offend or perhaps hurt a dear friend. I can sympathize on having to draft, rather than publish. My page lost its identity, and took on another. Laurie - hun - it appears, as if you were on the same path.

For what it's worth, from one writer to another- your words, your emotions and little bit I got to know of this girl named Laurie from this small little town called Milford.

Your words can bring the reader into your world. For that, your writing is a gift.

If you never post again on this blog, I wish you the best with your future. But if you return, please keep this reader, fan and friend posted.

Laurie, you will be sorely missed.

Email: PDias521@aol.com
IM screename: jaguar1898

Anonymous said...

Laurie,

I think you are a marvelous writer. I hope that you do get published soon, or if not soon, someday. I've really enjoyed reading the heartfelt posts about your life, and even the more superficial stuff now that you've gotten shy. Please invite me if you do end up starting a new, anonymous blog.

Take care,
Zoe (I'm just a stranger from New York; don't know anyone you know personally, don't think)
totallygertrude@gmail.com

Maggie said...

I've never read your blog before, and I don't know you from Eve, but that last entry is just about the saddest thing I've ever read. I'm sorry to hear that blogging has done this to you, especially since I recently started my own. I wish you the best, and hope that you can someday say "f**k 'em" and get on with your writing.

To the anonymous posters who said "Quitter" and "...you'll find a dozen Lauries out there" - y'all missed the point, didn't you? It's not about unleashing your anger or apathy or whatever's inside you that got triggered here. It's about celebrating someone else's self-expression, even (and maybe especially) when it triggers the ugly insides of you. Own that ugliness - please don't kill the messenger, so to speak, for exposing it. But perhaps you already have.

Best of luck, Laurie.

Mary said...

I've checked your blog every day for a month hoping you'd return, but alas you have not. I miss your posts. Hope all is well!

Anonymous said...

"It's not about unleashing your anger or apathy or whatever's inside you that got triggered here. It's about celebrating someone else's self-expression, even (and maybe especially) when it triggers the ugly insides of you. Own that ugliness - please don't kill the messenger, so to speak, for exposing it. But perhaps you already have."

What the F**K does that MEAN!?! Maggie my dear... you are a tool.

Shawn said...

Sorry to see that you've hung it up Laurie. I hope you keep on writing somewhere, it's good for you. Keep a journal, that way it can just be for you and you can just write whatever strikes your fancy without worrying who will read it and take it badly or wrong.

Believe me, when you get all old and crotchety like me it's cool to be able to bust open a journal or a blog archive and see what you were thinking way back when and read with wonder the words written by a you that seems a world away from the one you know today.

Cheers and thanks for the good reads.

Lurker said...

I agree with whomever called Laurie a "quitter". If you've been reading her blog toward the end she was complaining about not having anything to write about also about how she has to be unhappy to generate good material. She'd project her shame when she resorted to the "list" technique during times of desperation.

I think the truth is, this got hard and she couldn't keep up so she quit. The whole "I no longer want to inadvertently hurt people's feelings" angle was just that... an excuse and a convenient one.

Sadly, she thinks she can be a legitimate writer. The problem there is... you can't just quit when it gets tough. If you do, you can no longer afford stilettos.

Popeye said...

I miss your blog. A lot.
(sigh)
Come visit. . .

Anonymous said...

Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse

Twenty-somethings are conditioned to respond positively to magic::::::they are the extacy generation.
This is not by accident. Expect they will be an important generation ("in charge", etc) when the battle between the Anti-Christ and Second Coming of Christ ocurrs.
This of course will be a 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater, and they want these people consumed by the high level of magic that will ocurr.
This generation is The Damned.


Austrian Sigmund Freud is known as the father of psychoanalysis, yet people have (mental) health problems because of their disfavor, illustrating the preditory purpose of this discipline, this individual.
These people.
Of course Hitler was Austrian. Glock, maker of the semi-automatic gun favored by black street gangs such as the Bloods and the Crips, is Austrian.
RedBull Energy drink, Buwdeiser both Austrian.

The Holocaust was foreshadowing, yet another example of the Jews sacrificing to help the disfavored::::
1. 1492 exodus from Spain. Spain became evil - financed Columbus, initiated missionaries, USA (dumping ground of disfavored victimized by god), etc.
2. Spread throughout Europe as clue to Christians worshipping a false god.
3. "Quasi-Holocaust claim" contradicting boss.
4. 5. 6. 7. etc. etc. etc.
The Apocalypse (or an Apocalyptic event) will be initiated by an Austrian. When the national referendum to allow foreign-born individuals to run for president is introduced I recommend you DEFY and vote NO!! In the years prior to this vote the gods will send POWERFUL clues suggesting the IMPORTANCE OF DEFIANCE.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Italy's boot is a clue showing the god's intent with the Romans AND their active involvement::::The gods micromanaged the Eutruscans into their role as Romans, just as they micromanaged me with Artificial Intelligence.
Oshkosh is a clue just as Lake Michigan and Green Bay are clues. Oshkosh is the ejaculate clue:::Life springs forth from this region.
Expect your traditional Second Coming of Christ to come from the region. Consistant with the possibility of matrilinial lineage it may be the mother's family from the Lake Winnebago area fulfilling some "Manifest Destiny" bullshit theater::::You see Manifest Destiny all around you (corporate)::::Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy:::::White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse. Expect The End to ocurr EXACTLY as it reads in Revelations.

This isn’t about reals and clones. This is about the brains and the brain-less:::The brain-less are people whose families have been OUT FOR GENERATIONS, families lucky enough to avoid this disturbing age and its accompanying abuses. ALL of them got out back when they were peasants, even the royal families and Pharrohs, and the gods used these tools to create this stratigic history here on Earth:::There is no such thing as Earthly-management. Also the gods replace strategic individuals frequently as a managerial tactic.
This is the key which unlocks the god’s puzzle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Simpsons offered many clues to the disfavored, not the least of which ARE the frequent references to "pack/mob mentality". Another is the references to the iPod as death and the electric chair.

ANYTIME you feel "peaked", experience craving or ANY thought disturbance where you want or like something irrationally (ex:::Halloween, Harley Davidson (theme:::Halloween colors), Dale Earnhardt) IT IS THEM TRYING TO HURT YOU!!!!!! "Magic" is used EXCLUSIVELY to hurt the disfavor:::The fuel of disfunction::::::addiction, homosexuality, crack babies.
In times past when gods felt more generous they employed their powers to help the disfavored (geographical clues, Moses's miracles), but as time went on the gods only used their power to HURT the disfavored (1906, boss, disturbing use of "magic").
There are subtle (sub)conscious tactics they can employ with the computer to make you think as if you are cooperating when they really are pushing you into your offense.

People were pushed into having gay experiences because their parents were sell-out whores.
People were pushed into being sell-out whores because their parents sold their blood line down the river in the early 20th century.
People were pushed into selling their blood line down the river because they didn’t pray.
Man hasn’t prayed to god for thousands of years but we have to pay in this manner because we have the unenviable distinction of living in this day and age, this heightened standard justified with the 20th century life of comfort such as indoor plumbing, refidgeration, canned foods.
The gods pushed people into being gay then murdered them with AIDS.

Women are the favored gender:::Those who understand what it means to be a woman are already halfway there.
The purpose of the masculinization of women of the last 40 years was to pave the way (justification) for The End, for it collectively brought mankind's favor down.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

HOW TO PRAY:::1. I'm sorry for what I've done wrong. 2. I don't want to sccumb to temptation and make any more mistakes. 3. I want to fix my problems. 4. Please don't hurt me.

We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.

If you don't do the right thing you're going to do the wrong thing, and the right thing to do is to ACTIVELY fix your problems and pursue the favor of the gods.
The gods imparted wisdom in the Bible to help teach people the right way to live:::Tempation will be used to test you. You have to be willing to tell them "No." If you "think right" you may envoke their mercy.
You will never get off Planet Earth unless you are "thinking right", so you should focus on it.
If you're not working hard to fix your problems, if you don't creatively work to get the hell off Earth then you will be consumed by it, by the reverse positioning-institutions they instilled as temptations::::popular culture, democracy, materialism.

I have put forth indisputable evidence, as you see above with the Jews. The gods will never admit any of it is true, ever. YOU HAVE TO DEFY!!!! They will lie to you up until bitter end::::This tactic will ensure they claim a HUGE percentage of the disfavored, for so many refuse to defy and this will ensure they don't go.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My best adivce to you all would be understand what I say is true then WITHDRAW, not only from this plethora of detail (for updating the disfavored is one way to distract AND you should never be so arrogant to think you are entitled to understand the god's behavior) but also from this cancerous culture. Pursue the truth that you just learned and work hard to repair your relationship with the gods. Understand how these corrupt institutions (democracy, materialism/greed, education) affect your life and save what clues they will offer you for when you REALLY need them. Be very attentive and gracious, for you are counting on their generosity.
If you are good and decent and respectable you won't want to hear about all this. If you do desire to hear more take it as a clue, for it is a symptom::::They are peaking you euphorically, and this "magic" is used to hurt the disfavored.
Understand how the corrupted INSTITUTIONS affect your life and make the appropriate changes. For example, they use democracy to justify instructing the computer to create a sense of empowerment. If you recognize this you are better able to overcome the damaging effects.
The gods will want to know who I helped and how they are doing. If people begin with my teachings they will be on a list that the gods will PERSONALLY look in on. The numbers of people who pursue the path immediatley after I illustrate it will be very small due to their minimization tactics, and they will be members of an elite group.
Remember::The gods only use their powers to hurt the disfavored, and everything involved in this Situation are all good examples. Please let me remind you the Jews sacrificed, illustrating to people that boss wasn't going to happen, showing the world that all these popular culture elements associated with the Situaiton were the gods employing their powers to prey on the disfavored keping them captivated for over 30 years now.

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1. Corporate sourcing violently punished::::
They suggest the whole "sourcing" era, where it is positioned that their brain-less clones obtained product from China and other Asian countries for the lowest possible price, will be punished violently if the gods elect to employ the "Asian invasion" script::::
One of the reasons it was so important to get out before 1980 (important to get out before the end of each 20-year war-revelry cycle - 1960, 1980, 2000, 2020, etc).

2. Deception of Southern rednecks to blame for Republican control:::::
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, keep guns available. Easy gun availablility is an "open door" for the gods, a tool used to prey on the disfavored.
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, gave you the distraction that was the Clinton impeachment theater 1998.
Republican loyalty is why noone cares that rednecks are set up for the slaughter.
Democrats good. Liberalism evil.

Kosher is a favor bestowed upon the Jews. The South eats LOTS of pork and there is an oyster bar on every corner:::::It's like liquor stores in the ghetto.
The gods have quite a sophisticated taste for irony:::::The Jew takes boss by calling in the Quasi-Holocaust claim.

The gods got rid of the retarded woman who lived across the street, prior to the fall of 2006 so their handiwork wouldn't stare them in the face while there was so much attention.
The gods took similar evansive manuvers w/ bi-racial so they could continue using this open door to victimize the disfavored.

American space tourist returned after 13 days in space::::"The first thing he noticed about Earth was the smell."
They don't want people coming back or watching. They WILL do things like this:::The intent is to prevent people from returning (favorite expeiences) or watching proceedings on Earth (following and complaining about their family/the Second Coming of Christ and subsequent Apocalypse, which has been HIGHLY anticipated for centuries).
Many of these families are in trouble, and disregard for their descendants causes them to fall further into disfavor.
This is merely one piece of evidence proving my Situation had to fail:::It would have commanded much attention from the other planets. Now I exposed the Second Coming of Christ in the most undramatic of ways, and since this is end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater targetting the "bottom of the barrel" these families teetering on the fence won't watch.
Won't complain about their descendants.
And it is win-win for the gods, for they manufactured a scapegoat and now it is all my fault.

Understand not only how things REALLY are, the gods actively manage Earth with their brain-less clones, but also realize their positioning, for it will help you interpret their clues. For example::::"Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse" is very real and we see it around us every day. It is not isolated here in the United States:::"westernization" has infested the entire world. This is a clue, and how the book of Revelations reads IS what is going to happen.

Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he lied.
Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he was orally copulated.
Bill Clinton was impeached because it was 1998.
It was end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater, of which there are MANY examples::: Brought to you by the party of the preditory disfavored, the Republican party.


Apex of irony in the Situaiton:::Jew calls in Quasi-Holocaust claim and takes boss, re-igniting the flames of anti-Semitism among blacks in the crucial years before the black holocaust.

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The Jews showed you boss wasn't going to happen with the Quasi-Holocaust claim. They will emphisize to the bitter end that there is no pattern of Jewish clues.
Because there is still one clue outstanding, those most important clue:::::World War II's Holocaust.

They will lie to the disfavored until the Apocalypse for it will ensure a supermajority of them die, relying on this relationship until the bitter end, likely positioning this to the disfavored by using me to continue this boss theater.

They used virginity as a hook, much like they did pushing me into the Lisa event, capturing many many women, keeping them engrossed, even after they took my virginity because it had become counter-strategic.

The gods say they are segmenting some gravely disfavored and telling them I will be reincarnated. They tell these people I will still save them, just in a different life, and they should wait for me. Many of the grossly disfavored, people like my family, will obediently comply.



The bell curves represent segments, ie people whom they place into a certain goups based on how the gods position to them:::
1. AIDS in Africa is good, they're going for racism and black people are really #1.
2. AIDS in Africa is bad but they all go so it is just a little short-term sufering for immortality.
There are other lies they tell to the disfavored regarding this topic as well.
Neither is true. But these lies represent different segments the gods place people into. These segments can overlap various categories/levels of disfavor as you see from the graph above. Also expect a smattering of dots, for none of these graphs would be smooth bell curves are you see above (from 50mb Outlook journal).

Transsexual segmentation:::See if this type of segmentation applies to you. They grant trans and many homos a high level of priveledge telepathically (knowledge) so as to give them a false sense of security, very important to compel them to schedule their sex-change operation.

Miss Kate said...

When I took down my first blog, I wish I could have explained why as eloquently as you have done in this post. Pure class.

I hope you're still able to write, with the advent of blopg privacy settings & all.

Anonymous said...

I gotta say - I wish you the best, but these are YOUR issues and not the issues of the people reading you. You can't be a writer and please the people reading you all the time, even if they're people you know. I understand you wanting to take the blog down because you aren't comfortable with the ramifications of writing publicly and the angst that may bring upon you, but I think the bitterness you have at everyone out there for having reactions to your writing is drama. I hope you can grow out of your need to blame the world for things you should be working on in yourself.

I really didn't mean to sound like an asshole here, but here I am...

Pand0ra Wilde said...

I found your link again while looking thru a blog I've had to quit posting to.

I do still miss you, very much. I hope you're doing well and living somewhat close to happily ever after.

Me? I'm someone who commented quite a bit who was forced to reincarnate. You might recognize the style if you see my new place.

mosey said...

i still miss your blog! :-)