Thursday, January 26, 2006

Feelin' Good

Billy and I made a new Waking Up CD last night. Our alarm clock, in addition to having dual alarm settings (which is lovely, since I now don't have to remember to re-set the thing for him when I leave), also allows us to chose the music we'd like to wake up to. Up until this morning, we'd been rising to Perry Como, who sang of loving that girl like she's never been loved before. This morning, we woke up to Billy's new favorite song: The Fray, Out of My Head.

We took the CD into the shower with us, to listen to the rest of our selections as we prepared ourselves for the day. The CD doesn't have a theme, the music chosen for it has no common thread, other than we love all the songs. They're just good mood songs, songs that make you sing along, that make you dance just a little bit in the shower, or just make you smile in general.

The second song on the CD was my choice. It was imperative, I said, to have this particular song on the compilation: Stevie Wonder, As. It makes me dance, it makes me sing, it makes me smile, it puts me in a good mood. It met all of the Waking Up criteria, so onto the CD it went.

When I left this morning, Billy suggested I take the CD with me. It sounded like a fabulous idea, so I opened the lid of the CD player and strode out to my car wearing the disc like a ring on my finger.

I got into my car and backed down the driveway to The Fray. I listened to that song not once, but twice, in an effort to learn the words. I turned onto the long backroad I take into work and As came on. I danced in my seat and sang along with Stevie as I sped down the snow-dusted road. I'm not exactly sure of all the words yet, though, so singing along mostly entails me just singing backup to the lines and verses I already know.

So, because I'm in the learning stages of the song, I'm required to pay a great deal of attention to all the words in the song, to commit them to memory. The notes, the emphasis, the way Stevie sings, I concentrate on every line.

I don't know if it's because I have my period, or because Billy and I had such a good night last night - the kind that makes you laugh until tears stream from your eyes, the kind that knocks you back in disbelief; you never thought you could be this happy - but one line in the song made my eyes well up. Over the chorus (...That I'll be loving you Always/Until the day is night and night becomes the day/Always/Until the trees and sea just up and fly away/Always/Until the day that 8x8x8 is 4/Always/Until the day that is the day that are no more), Stevie sang "Did you know you're loved by somebody?"

It made me smile, my watery eyes hidden behind my big dark glasses. I couldn't believe that I was blindsided by something so obvious, but I was. I always get lost in how I feel about Billy, how sometimes I can't believe that I found him, and I'm sure that my feelings for him are far more all-consuming than his could ever be for me. I think maybe love to him, and love to me are two different things. But, with my hands on the steering wheel, I realized that they're not. And I am loved by somebody. By him.

And it's a such a bold statement: Somebody loves you. You mean the world to someone. Someone loves you just as much as you love them, even though you don't think it's possible for them to even understand the depth of your feelings for them. They do. They love you right back.

The sentence just makes me feel so good. "Did you know you're loved by somebody?" And not just by a significant other, but by family. By friends. By all these people who surround you in your daily life. You speak on the phone, or you kiss each other goodnight, or you meet for dinner once a week; you drink with them, you talk with them. They all love you. Whether or not you remember to call them when you said you would, whether your mood is good or bad, they love you. No matter what. All this love, free of charge and obligation, for you. Just because you are exactly who you are.

It put in me in such a good mood - Sappy, cheesy, and mushy, yes. But a good mood nonetheless.

Did you know you're loved by somebody?

Doesn't that feel good?


melish said...

hey, i love you. even though we've only known each other for about a month. i think you're fabulous. :)

Laurie said...

I love you, too, Melissa!

And you're pretty damn fabulous yourself!