My ex showed up at work yesterday to "talk;" It just so happened to be three days after a friend of mine told me she'd listed his house to sell. She also informed me that she told him I am doing really well, with a great boyfriend who's crazy about me.
Last night at dinner, just as I finished telling Billy about my Ex Encounter, his phone rang. He let it go to voicemail, then checked the messages later on speakerphone. It was his ex. We had seen her the night before while we were renting a movie.
Fate would be just sick enough to put me in head-on collisions with both of our pasts in one day.
Driving home from dinner, we laughed about it. He asked me if I was mad.
"I'm not mad. I can't control that your ex called you -"
"Just like I can't control that your ex came in to see you," he interrupted.
"Right. Just like that."
"So, you're sure you're not mad?"
"Billy, I'm sure. I have no reason to be mad."
He took my hand. "Really? Are you mad because you want to be mad, but you don't have a reason to be mad, and that makes you mad?" His grin was illuminated in the headlights of a passing car.
I tilted my head back and laughed. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not the case." Then I turned to face him, shaking my finger at him in a mock-warning. "But you better not tell her you're single if, or when, you talk to her."
"Are you ever going to trust me?" He asked in earnest.
"I do trust you. I don't think you're doing anything sneaky behind my back."
He rolled his eyes. "How about you know I'm not doing anything behind your back?"
"Okay," I let out an exaggerated sigh, "I know you're not doing anything sneaky. That's just semantics, anyway. The point is the same. I don't think you're trying to line up other options."
"How about this," he turned to face me. "I don't want anyone but you."
My only reply was a genuine smile.
We held hands and drove in silence for a few miles, letting the fall foliage pass us in a darkened blur. I looked over at him and smiled, marveling in the fact that I really wasn't mad. For once, I wasn't just saying that to not seem like the jealous, insecure girlfriend. I really didn't feel strange about his ex calling him. I mean, sure, I could feel strange about it if I let myself, but my first reaction was tame. A year ago, a boyfriend accidentally letting me know that his ex had called would've sent me into a week-long battle with worry. An inquisition would've followed. I would've agonized over his feelings for her; every time we were apart I would fear that he was meeting her, talking to her.
But sitting there next to him, I just knew that there was no one else he wanted. I felt secure.
Later, at home, he busied himself trying on his newly-tailored suits while I loaded the dishwasher and did some laundry. When we finally settled into bed, he held my face in his hands, looked me in the eyes and smiled. No words passed between us, but I smiled back and felt completely cared for.
I was amazed that, for the first time in my life, the sudden presence of exes would reassure me of not only how I felt about him, but how he feels about me.