Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Stop Thief!

"So, do you always have your branch meetings outside of the branch?"

Our mouths were all full of the homemade cookies he'd offered when he asked, so the only responses he received were muffled giggles. The branch manager, sitting to my right, put the back of her hand up to her lips to avoid spitting out her crumbs when she laughed.

Actually, we had never ventured out of the stuffy conference room of our branch for our monthly meetings. But this month, a member of our bank's Board of Directors had invited us to tour his farm and to hold our meeting in his home. Dying to get a look at the wealthy man's digs, we eagerly accepted.

We had finally come in from a long and humid tour of the property. We spent much of the time swatting away the flies that lingered around the animals he kept, and trying to avoid getting our heels stuck in the muddy grass. But his land was beautiful, blocked off from civilization by a thick white gate and what seemed like miles of wooden fencing. Hundreds of acres of well-manicured grass rolled away from his large alabaster house, leading to dense trees surrounding small ponds. Standing on his front porch, you could see all of Milford, the houses and business reduced to small rectangles of color. It was truly breathtaking.

When we took our seats in his antique farm house's living room, his assistant offered us tea. We balanced saucers on our knees and practically held our breath to avoid spilling our drinks on what was surely a hundred-year-old rug.

I swallowed my cookie and said, "No, this is our first field trip," to respond to his question. But it seemed that no body heard me.

But, apparently somebody had. The manager had obviously finished chewing her cookie, too. "No, this is our first field trip," she said to him, loud and proud.

He laughed, and she laughed, they all laughed.

Except for me.

She stole my line. And she took credit for it when it got a chuckle.

Satisfied with "her" comment, and the thunder she effectively stole from me, she took another bite of her cookie. I sat beside her and seethed.

There are a number of things that I would consider pet peeves of mine. I hate to be told what I already know. I hate when someone speaks over me. I hate to be interrupted. I hate it when I'm telling a story and someone else, who knows the conclusion, feels the need to blurt it out before I get to it. I hate when I'm telling a joke and someone reveals the punchline before I do. But I hate, I mean really, truly loathe, when someone pawns my words off as their own. Even if they're not good.

I know it's silly, but I can't help it.


God's gift to women (with really low standards) said...

This happens to me all the time. I guess it's to be expected when you are a hilarious badass but don't talk very loud. I guess people want to copy people like us because we are so fucking awesome. Oh, sorry...still stuck on that last post.

The Zombieslayer said...

Urgh! That happened to me in a speech class. The professor gave credit to someone else in the group for the funny lines I wrote. If she (the one who got the credit) had any honor, she would have corrected the Professor. Needless to say, she didn't. That got me so mad, I left without saying anything.

NJ said...

I would have stabbed her in the face with a soldering iron, but that's just me. :-)

Islandgirl said...

Ugh! I absolutely hate when people end my stories....so effing annoying!!!

kate said...

You should have spit your cookie at her! LOL.

Jason said...

When people do that, I wonder, do I talk too slow? Then I just decide they suck.

When someone steals my clever lines, they automatically make my hit list. Sooner or later they're going down.

Charlie Mc said...

I hate when my lines and stories are used!!!!!

Miss_Vicki said...

that bitch!!! :o)

reading your descriptions of the farm.... you should seriously be a writer, you are talented!! I wish to hell I could do that.

Anonymous said...

hey sis,
you forgot to add that you hate it when someone reads something over your shoulder. mu hu ha ha ha... yeah, that was a pointless evil laugh, sorry... but otherwise, i feel the same as nj, you should have gone all christopher walkin on her and stabbed her in the face with a soddering iron. bye bye sis,

Paul said...

I agree with Miss- Vickie....but I've told you that more than once. Like a skilled fisherman (fisherwoman?), you've got us hooked. Keep up the good work, Lauire.

NJ said...

Laurie, your brother kicks ass, he's the only one to figure out that was a Christoper Walken line! Good call Scorpion.

Kiki said...

I hate that too. It also happens to me quite frequently since I'm soooo funny. Ha ha just kidding, the reason why I'm funny is because I steal my jokes from other people :)

Heather said...

I used to work in a library.

I was talking with the children's librarian one day, and she was telling me how she played a game during the summer reading program where the kids and parents would sit in a circle and she would ask trivia questions about a topic, like weather, you know really easy questions so the kids could answer them.

Except the kids didn't get a chance to answer them. You know why? Because the parents would blurt out the answer first. Now, we all know that adults would know the answer to these KIDS questions, but for some reason they just couldn't help themselves.

What is up with people??

Shawn said...

Laurie, you should read the post I made on my blog... It's titled 'Stop Thief!' and it's about how annoying it is when someone takes credit for something you said. It's totally funny... Don't I come up with the best stuff ever!

Just kidding...hope you're having a great weekend.

It happens to me all the time too... I'll say something kind of quietly and then the person that hears it repeats it loudly... aughhhhh.

Popeye said...

Shawn wins.

Mad Munkey said...

Well, you can keep that in mind in the future... You know you said it. She knows you did too. I bet she feels small inside. BTW - this post inspired my post this morning called Getting laughs. Thank you.