Monday, March 07, 2005

Sabotage

Because I am now single, and it is a distinct possibility that I may go on some bad dates, some friends of mine and I have come up with a list of how best to sabatoge a date that is surely headed for the shitter anyway.

1) Discuss, at length, the dissolution of your most recent relationship.

2) Cry over your last boyfriend at the table, lamenting about how you just don't understand what went wrong.

3) Go to the ladies' room and return with toilet paper hanging out of your pants.

4) Go to the ladies' room, return, and announce "Wooo! That section is closed!"

5) Complain about your recent case of explosive diahrrea.

6) Whine about your menstrual cramps and heavy flow. Then look startled, show him your ass and ask him in a panicked voice "Did I leak?"

7) If he is an avid non-smoker, chain smoke or complain of not being able to smoke at the table.

8) Order the biggest breakfast/lunch/dinner on the menu and eat it like a pig: Let the juices of the meal dribble down your chin, eat with hands ONLY, no utensils.

9) Ask him over and over "Do you think I'm fat?"

10) Tell him about how you already have the dress picked, the venue booked and the menu chosen for your wedding, all you need is a guy. Then ask him if he happens to own a tux.

1 comment:

NJ said...

Ok, maybe I'm weird but number 8 would kinda turn me on, espescially if it was pork rib and chocolate pudding. But that's just me. :-)